I’ve got this listless feeling that I can’t seem to escape.
I’m not really feeling excited about anything at the moment and it makes me feel without a purpose.
It’s been a few months now since I’ve quit my job. Straight after that I went travelling and I’ve had an amazing summer visiting lots of new places in Europe and spending time with friends and family in the Netherlands. But now I’m back in London for the academic year (final year of my degree!) and life feels sort of empty suddenly. I’m disappointed with my college because they don’t offer the same selection of modules they used to offer. So, I’m not enjoying my studies that much right now, it’s just that I want to finish because I’ve come so far now.
It’s not that I literally have nothing to do, I have long to do lists waiting to me. Things have been piling up over the years when I was so busy I didn’t have the time to stop and think. But now that I do have time, I feel as if I completely lack the drive to do any of it. Now that I’m not ‘forced’ to do things, I can’t seem to motivate myself and lack the enthusiasm to start working on any of the things I have previously felt super excited about.
I feel like some part of this listless feeling might be due to the change of seasons. A few weeks ago, David and I went to Cyprus for a friend’s wedding, and the weather there was amazing with lots of sun. Then we got back to London, it was almost October, and we felt super cold all of a sudden. It straight away flipped the switch for me. I told myself that this is the end of summer and we have a long season of cold weather ahead of us. As much as I longed for an escape from the hot summer we had in Europe this year, I’m not looking forward to so many cold months either. The change of seasons from summer to colder seasons always seems to throw me into a bit of a downward spiral. I don’t know why, is it just the temperatures dropping, is it the decreasing amounts of sunlight, or is it the thought of winter inevitably following autumn? It’s not the first time I’m feeling this way in autumn, it seems to be a bit of a tradition having a post-summer breakdown… And I do think autumn is such a beautiful season, I love to go walking in the forests or parks and see all the trees change colour. It makes for some stunning landscapes and I wish I could enjoy it more.
Trying to feel inspired again
This week, I have decided that wasting my time sleeping half of the day and watching too many series or films isn’t going to cut it anymore. It doesn’t do me any good and might actually make things worse over time. I need to get myself out of this rut somehow and I think I need to make a plan. In the past I have sometimes experienced that if I forced myself to start working on something I didn’t really feel like, the enthusiasm did follow at some point. It seemed like if I surrounded myself with something, I did get excited about if after a while.
Here’s what I’m planning to do for now:
- Start waking up earlier
- Do a bit of exercise every day, even if it’s just a walk
- Play happy music
- Find some inspiring books to read and actually read them ?
- Stay on top of my studies
- Make a planning with a few things I have to do each day
- But don’t overdo it, it never helps to go crazy and give up when things get too overwhelming
- Plan some fun things to look forward to and get excited about
- Find things to be grateful for, to appreciate the privileged position I’m in
I am determined to find a way to make me feel motivated and inspired to work on my goals again. I love that feeling and I know I have it in me somewhere, because I have felt that way before. The feeling that you always want to work on something, it doesn’t feel like a chore, you jump out of bed in the morning, excited to get started. I hope this feeling will come once I start to work towards my goals again. I hope I will pick up the enthusiasm somewhere along the line.
If you’ve ever felt like this in your life, I’d love to hear about your experience! Please tell me all about it and leave your tips in the comments below!